After 4 months of limboticy, (see below) we are moving on up. And moving in. New digs await. We will deck the halls and bounce on the balls of our toes!
Thank you for your presence, I feel you. Steady on my friends, from here only up.
(Limboticy; my new word, made up for this one time use. As to living in limbo, with a side of near lunacy…)
Maybe it is the November Greys.
They are kind of like the November Blues, but less colourful. Drab. I feed right off that. Nothing is appealing. Where is the colour?
And the eyes looking through grey coloured glasses will see things in monotone.
Here is the thing. November is never a good month for me. It is the anniversary month. The month of grieving. And maybe this November has also been the month of good news, it certainly hasn’t been the month of good happenings. Those will come with December.
So I take myself out for a walk, trying to avoid stress for a while. Trying to shake off this coldness that is settling in where light should shine. Looking for something lovely. Hoping to spot a bright splash of life somewhere. But it just isn’t that kind of month.
And it is when I stop looking for things that would be out of place, that I spot things that belong in this cold colourless setting. There is much to be appreciated out there.
I don’t know if I mean anything profound by this. I just wanted to showcase what I saw when I accepted that this is what today is.
Around the corner comes December, and with it all the colour and hope and love and warmth we can muster.
It might be that The Universe picked up on my stress levels. Said ok woman, you aren’t playing along with the Intent to Think Only Positive Things, in order to attract only positive things. I see you sneaking in that little nudge of nail biting concern. So I am going to throw you a curve ball. A big one. But one I know you can navigate. To remind you that you got this, for better or worse. (With a side of brief tantrum.)
And I respond in kind. Thanks Life! Did I really need that? No. But I got a back up plan! So there! Ha! Feel that? That’s me getting by, pushing through, keepin on keepin on!
Maybe The Universe and I are on to something. Maybe I expect bad things to just keep happening and so they do. But they aren’t so bad, are they?
Good will overcome yet! I SHALL PREVAIL! (Not skipping or dancing again yet, but stomping my foot in mad defiance. Define mad? O a bit of both thank you very much.)
Dear Lost and Dirty, Wayward Sock
I don’t usually use the elevator, you see. But with all the laundry to be done, I went ahead and did. I am sorry I didn’t register the white and green gleam on the floor until the second before the door closed.
I know I failed you. For you are gone. But I tried. Believe me. I rode the ‘wrong’ elevator all day long, up and down from 1st to 2nd floor. Every chance I got, I pushed that button. And everytime, elevator 1 opened, while elevator 2, the one you used for your great escape, remained closed off to me. I haven’t used the elevators so much in months! All for one sneaky errant sock! At last, as I was returning the shopping cart no longer needed, back to ground floor, the Right Elevator Door opened. I stepped inside, and nothing. I felt like it was You had stood Me up!
I imagine you have found a home in one of the neighbour’s son’s sock drawers and I hope you are happy there! I won’t forget you, little generic white and green sock.
November used to be the month of sorrow. And now it is the bringer of good news!
I got approved for an apartment right behind Elfboys school, and I am ready to dance under a rainbow. But instead, I think I will embrace the calm that relief brings.
Celebration will come in the form of a house warming. Of filling a new home with joy and life. Our own little space to be ourselves in. (With a balcony at that!) I can’t wait to get our first Christmas tree in our new home!!! We might not have furniture, but we will have so many Lights!
The rush is over. The time for stillness and peace is at hand. Right in time for Christmas. A Home Sweet Home.
I am not sure what I think about theories of manifestation. I do believe in ‘putting it out there’ if I want something to happen. Be that to the universe, or just to the people I think can help. And I think we only receive what we are open to.
I even pray, in a sense. I tap into the stillest part of myself and focus on what it is I want most. Try to listen for an answer within myself. Send a few thoughts out to ‘the universe’ for luck. Wonder if in some sense, literal or metaphorical, if our Mum can feel me.
I applied for an apartment today. And there are some pretty big fears that want to rear their spooky heads. Things that could get in the way of us getting this place. Big Bad Unpaid Student Loans and Credit Checks for example. But I want this place so badly! We need it. Part of me thinks that if I listen to my fears, they will draw to me the very things that I do not want to happen, because, as sister says, my focus will attract to me that which I am thinking and feeling.
Maybe all that positive thinking will do is keep me in a healthy head space. And that is not a bad thing, now is it?! But if it helps me to attract good things, well, that would be Just Great Too!
So… HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS will in the least put me in a good mood and at the best will have us looking at our new home!
The bitchy cat has decided we shall be friends.
When I moved in here, I fell instantly in love with The Dog. Even the kids called him My Boyfriend for a while. It isn’t weird, we just snuggle sometimes, a lick of a toe, a pat on the head. It is an easy relationship 😀 He is an easy going guy and I Love’s his silly happy stares.
But the cat. Oh the cat. I declared secretly to my son within days of living here, that I Don’t Like The Cat. This is serious business. It is a rare declaration for me to not like someone. Oh and she is very much a someone. One of those spazzy things that feels electrical currents around her. One daren’t touch her if she is awake, and not if she is asleep either. I don’t think it is her fault. She came as a kitten into a house full of babies. I don’t imagine she had a lot of gentle in her life. She was messed with and rough housed with. I think they should have gotten a puppy earlier.
Maybe it was her personality from the beginning. She is a brownish calico. With a look in her eyes that says she is trying to zap you from a distance.
I am a self professed Dog Person. This doesn’t mean I am a self professed automatic Cat Hater. It is just that I am not one to walk into a room with a cat and instantly bond with them. I couldn’t care less. I Know how cats work. Their world is their world. They don’t necessarily need me. And that is cool. But I am here if they want to cozy up. Maybe I am more like them than dogs. I like my personal space. I like to get to know someone before I let them curl up against the back of my knees. And as much as I adore the eagerness of dogs, I respect the distance that cats seem to prefer.
So. The bitchy cat has decided we shall be friends. This has been a progression. We have shared the same living room for nearly 4 months now. And it is only in the last couple of weeks that she has started on this mission to befriend me. Or enslave me. Probably the latter. Could be the weather. Winter is upon us. And my bed in the corner offers a good deal of warmth. Could be that we are unlikely allies in this busy house full of bustling bodies. Whatever it is, I have decided I am open to her intents. She might offer some warmth for my toes in the night after all.
Last night was a big step for us. Up until now her attentions have been subtle. She sits in my vacinity, ignoring me. Lets me touch her head. Purred when I sat on the other end of the couch. But last night she decided to grace the end of my bed with her bountiful presence. She let me half cuddle her. One arm, around her back. She wasn’t there in the morning. But this is progress.
I have an announcement to make. I kind of love this bitchy cat!