What You Need, I Will Bring

“I don’t have many, and I don’t have much…” (Passenger – Hearts on Fire)

But I have abundance, I have plenty.

I was sitting down to write when this song came on, and I thought, Yes! But… not having much, or many doesn’t have to mean you are poor or down trodden. Much and many are relative terms. I don’t have much money in the bank, I don’t have many options for dinner fixings right now. But, I do have many friends and much family. I do have what I need. I am surrounded by stuff, balms for the soul. Food for the belly. And like Michael Rosenburg, my heart is on fire. I have love, even if our loves are different. There is love, and my heart is on fire with gratitude.

We are great with things worthy of our gratitude. Mostly due to the new friendships blossoming in our lives. Friends in the building, and in the neighbourhood. Invitations to come for dessert and playtime. Welcomes into homes and hearts. Differences in the background as stories are shared. Stories that show the similarities in our spirits.

The women will feed us. I don’t have to ask. There is a kindness brimming over right now, and the over flow tastes so good! Spice of life! “Come for tea and dessert!” “Hey I am making falafels for dinner, can I bring you some?” (You sure Can!) “Thank you for watching my son, here is some delicious stew and home made bread!” “Eat these cherries!” “I will never be able to eat all of this salad in time, please take some home with you!”   and our bellies are full, and our hearts are overflowing! (I don’t have any pictures to share, as we were too busy filling our faces to reach for the camera).

Sunday afternoon I made a vow and talked my son into doing the same. We won’t complain. We will call each other out if we are complaining. We can ask “is that a complaint?” and that can help steer us in more positive thought directions. We can face a new week with gratitude and thanks in our hearts. And fresh bread in our backpacks. Life is delicious!

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Steady On

I am a woman prone to anxiety. And a wild, stress fueled imagination. Fed by childhood traumas, grief, and decades of what can be called bad choices. And probably some element of genetics.

A few weeks ago, I started having spooky sensations at night. Which then caused me to get back to ye old insomnia. Poor sleep means bad nerves means poor sleep. Which then made me even more open to my fears.

I spoke to a few people about what I was experiencing. Some said ghostly visitors, some said I was kicking the bottom on the bed in my sleep. Someone thought maybe I have angels. I think now, looking back on how I felt, and what is going on in our personal lives right now, that my intuition was firing up.

One way or another, what I have been experiencing has reminded me to practice grounding, visualization and meditation, and to be open to the positive ideas and suggestions of others, but to listen to myself. And perhaps to tap in to some deeper meaning in life. To find purpose, and to focus on that.

Because what my son needs is a steady, healthy mother. And that is what I aim to be. And if it takes laying in bed at night with a sleep mask and some day dreams about becoming one with trees, than that is what I shall do!

It Works

A Story Of Great Import, And A Few Goosebumps, If You Can Stay With Me!

Last night at this time, I was going over to do lists in my head. Must dos. Do, do not just try sorts of things. Have to’s. Or else. Time’s up!

This morning I looked at that list and I said, Ok, FIIIIIIIIIIIINE, but not right now. First I am going to make a different list, and do that stuff first, okay? Oh yes, my friends, I am the Princess of Productive Procrastination! But the guilt… Oh the guilt of it all! So to stave off the pressure building up to anxiety guilt of it all, before I got to the great procrastination project, I actually did something on my first list. I sat down and applied to a handful of jobs online. Jobs I want. Jobs I think I can actually get. And do. And then I turned the landline,terrestrial call home, phone ringer on, because hey, those fantastic offers can’t roll in, if all they ever get is my voice mail and never my actual voice!

So. On with the ever fascinating play by play drama that is the life of I. Next came the making of coffee and murmuring around for a while online. Then I got out the vacuum and did a quick turn around the place. Next I added that extra layer to the kitchen curtain so we won’t be blinded by the rising sun while we eat our breakfasts. Then I changed the curtain in my bedroom, cause hey, window dressings are important. And productive, right?

As I was staring sideways at whatever I had done at that moment to my window (I went with option 3, but that isn’t what this story is about), I heard my cellphone ring. If my cellphone rings before 11 in the morning, it is usually an unknown or 888 number, which I never, ever, answer. Good luck with That! Or it is my son’s school. They have only called twice this year. I stood listening to the funky music, wondering and hoping that it would go away. I think if one is going to avoid answering one’s phone, it is important to have a good ringtone, something to dance to while it incessantly plays. Anyway for some reason this time I had a notion to answer it.

Good thing I did! Because it was the job that I had pretty much forgotten I had, due to lack of ever working any actual shifts… Offering me a client for tomorrow! No warning. But hey, I did say I was available on weekdays, right? So. There I go. Tomorrow I go back to work.

But here is where the goosebumps come in. Did you know that on occasion it is possible for one particular phone line to be unable to get through to your home phone, even when the rest of the world is able to? I have talked to my service provider about this twice now. When my employers call, they just hear never ending ringing, and never reach my voice mail. And I don’t hear the ringing at all. Which they have a hard time believing. I do not have them blocked, they do not exist on another plain. Our lines just don’t connect. So after yet another conversation about this issue, I was thinking, ok time to call the service providers and verbally flail around until they solve this… I sat staring at the stupid apparently only occasionally useful phone, when guess what?! It rang. Right then, as I was staring at it! I got goosebumps on my calves. Do you have goosebumps? Let me tell you that I did not hesitate to answer that call. It was probably the most meant to be answered call to ever come through. Like I willed it to ring by the power of my own awesomeness!

And guess what else?! Go On! Guess? Ok fine. well guess who has a job interview on Thursday?! This Gal! For a job that she applied for this morning! So. Time to figure out what I can wear with my only pair of closed toe shoes that are relatively appropriate. (Think adorable slightly less than flat light brown tweed closed toed shoes. And black dress? Or blue silk shirt and brown skirt. It is May, but it was also 12 degrees celsius today, so boots might even be an option. Ok this might be for another rant…)

Tomorrow I go back to work! Exciting! It certainly feels like something is shifting. Life is aiming at a track to get back on. Now I have to go get my bag ready so I can reorganize it tomorrow morning. Good thoughts and gratitude, and just a little productive procrastination go a long way around here! Or at least go in just the right direction! I am wondering what this is. Manifestation? Synchronicity? Luck? Or just the results of a lot of effort and wishing on space hardware (See Billy Bragg New England. Really. It is the greatest song!)

Mothering Day

Moments of Motherhood

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The dear hearted boy’s Mother’s Day gift to me. He tried to help the marigold flower face the sun and prematurely dead headed it but I assured him that I could see at least 2 more buds already and I put the little yellow face into my mother journal to keep for always.

Mother’s Day Morning I woke up earlier than my week day alarms are set. Even though the boy was still sleeping. So I laid in bed drifting in and out of awareness until I heard his cute self stirring. Then we cuddled and lay together in my bed, me reading and him having a bit of screen time. On silent, because it’s mother’s day morning. So my call.

At 11 this morning I learned that we were going out for lunch and not supper. So my plan to be as lazy as possible all day and work my way around to eventually having a much needed shower before family time was kind of shortstopped. So I downed my coffee and hopped in the tub. And when I emerged, my darling dear of a loving son said to me “I know you like things to be nice and clean and since it is Mother’s Day I did something special for you, and wiped the dust off the tv stand”! What sweeter words could a mother want to hear?!

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Boy decided that he needed to shower me with love and gifts so he made some cut out shape cards for me.

Then we had a sit and looked at the “Things about my Mom” booklet they brought home from school, with poorly spelled sentences and drawings done with care. “My Mom’s favourite food is pizza and what she loves to do most is play cards with me”. News to me! But, I adore this. Because from his perspective, these Must be my favourite things, because they are what happens most often around here. I make frozen pizza and we play go fish all night long. Because those are His favourite things, and they make him so very happy, so I do them. No surprise that they might be seen as My favourite things, since I appear to want to do them so often. This is the way of care giving perhaps. The things we do to make others happy are translated into the definition of what makes us happy. And because these things make our loved ones and charges happy, they become the things that make us happy. And this is the ‘caring for’ that is mothering.

Because, Thumbody Loves You

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He came a’bearing gifts, worry not! Big thanks to his big hearted clever teacher. His art project for the month was of course his Mother’s Day gift. He was near to broken hearted because he had to bring it home while the paint was still wet, and he got some of it smudged. Me, I only see love. And adorable thumbprint bees. The love of “Thumbody who loves me” and it makes my heart grateful to have this boy as a son, this boy who let me be a Mum! His independent thoughtfulness today shows me that he is a good guy, and we are a good team.

And that makes me proud of us both.

Happy Mother’s Day

Cold Peach Tea Please

Peach Tea is just really very good cold!

So I am going to set jars of it on the tables to steep in the morning sun. And then we can pop it in the fridge and have yummy pretty water to drink all day.

Peach Tea is just really very good cold!

That is all.

Throw Back Thursday

Throw Back Thursday

When I first saw the surge of cute posts all over social media, I thought; well there is another club I don’t think I get to be part of. Because most of the people ‘throwing back’ are young enough that there were already digital cameras and digital records of their lives in motion. And isn’t it enough of an ego trip that we are flashing selfies around like purposes in life? (Enter grumpy old lady voice.)

But I am finding it a special kind of project, to dig around in ye olde photo bin (mandarin orange box from a few christmas seasons ago) and find some gems worth sharing.

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So here ye go. A little #TBT of my own. A throw back to the days of yore. To the days when all I needed was a shovel and a pile of dirt to dig at. Or a bucket and some water to play in. Life is actually not that much different now, even if I am not as good at coordinating outfits as I apparently was back then!

Buttered Nutter

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “You, the Sandwich.”

Put on a batch of Nutty Flutter Butter and lets see where it takes us!

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This batty batter is good for anything you want to put in a pan or oven! Flip it flap it foil it fume it fan it! You might even be able to make face masks out of it, or moisturize your elbows! It is the pantry pastry, the dimpled dumpling, the marvelous mango, the squashed pumpkin, the coo coo coconut!! It is the newest age old method for getting all stirred up!

It is I, the Phantasmagorical Mistress of Muffin Mixes. The Nutty Flutter Butter!