Burnt Umber Headache Remedy

If you guys want a super fun way           to turn the inside of your new microwave      a fun retro yellow,               well! do I have a tip for you!              First you have to develop a sinus headache.                 Then you need to dig around in that one drawer or shelf in the kitchen where things too big for the Junk Drawer go.   You know the one. Aprons, placematts, strange candle holders, hats you use as tea cozies…    Down in there some place is that little baggie you are supposed to put over your eyes when you have been staring at screens too much.    It looks like the home made heat bag, but much much smaller.    It is probably leopard print.       Did you find it?   O Good!            Now put that baby in the microwave.    Definitely don’t give this a 2nd thought. Don’t think about how it is the smaller version, made for resting your sore sore eyes.  Or about how it probably isn’t a good idea to heat it up.           Definitely don’t question what it is filled with.                 Don’t even bother to give thought to the fact that you didn’t make this one, so you don’t know what is in it.                              It doesn’t matter that you might have in the past assumed it was filled with rice, nor that you know full well that rice filled ones Can in fact be heated up safely.      Your head hurts.  You aren’t thinking of anything.   Put that baby in the microwave for a good 2 minutes and 45 seconds.  Then go to the washroom, probably go check on your son, make sure he is covered and snoring sweetly.    Look forward to that moment only a few moments from now when you will be able to lie down with that hot hot little baggie on your forehead, soothing away the headache.              Only as you head back to the kitchen do you bother to notice the lovely smell of burnt seeds filling the air.   Only then pull open the microwave door, and quickly slam it shut again as a thick smoke wafts towards you!     Grab an oven mitt, open microwave door, grab smoking thing that once resembled small eye rester thingy that was definitely not meant for the microwave, toss out on balcony.   Now turn on all fans, open windows and stand in kitchen wondering if the scents of burnt seeds will compete with neighbours nightly stir fry.   Now to go sink, fill cups with water and pour on burnt baggie.   Watch smoke and steam rise.  Fill sink with cold water.    Bring baggie back inside and drop in the water.    Enjoy the sizzling popping sounds and aromas.     Turn and take a look at microwave.     Remove glass plate from microwave.      (Don’t worry, you have learned your lesson about cold water and hot glass on previous occasion, so you know better than to immerse that in the sink.)     Give inside of microwave a nice wipe out and realize you are now looking at a lovely shade of retro yellow, that might possibly be the permanent colour of the interior of your microwave.      There you go kids, that is the newest nifty DIY for turning the colour of your appliances a charming shade of retro burnt corn yellow………. 

Of course, I don’t need to actually warn you of the hazards of pulling such a stunt as this, right? I mean who would do something like that?!    And what am I going to put on my head now?   Runs face cloth under hot water… goes to bed to dream of blackened seeds and roasted cotton.

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