Compel Me

What are your compulsions?

I have many compulsions. Some it seems are habit, things I really feel like I need in place to keep the harmony and order of my life in balance. Things apparently like where I put my toothbrush, or watch and rings away. How I fold my sweaters, how I pour my tea. It goes beyond how I Like things to be. It is how I Need them to be. I get right bothered if I walk into the bathroom and find something in my space, on ‘my’ side of the counter or on top of my jewel box, like a razor cap or someone elses tooth brush. Are they trying to drive me crazy? Or just not as crazy as me?And if an urge or frustration takes hold, and a creative venue is not an option, well look out! I will be on a house keeping Roll! Which is good for the cupboards, floor and roommates.

Perhaps right now these compulsions are heightened, as I have such little control over my surroundings. But a lot of them are patterns developed over time that just feel like the Right way to do things. Everytime I cohabitate, I pick up on other people’s compulsions and I feel like they heighten my own. Ask me about the great tupperware fued some day! And while I would not go so far as to accuse myself of suffering from an actual speech compulsion disorder, I’ve been accused of being a chatter box on many an occasion. I see this in the Elfkin as well, a compulsion to verbalize.

Some of my compulsions are also creative. Artistic even? Dare I use that word in reference to myself? I think certain people are drawn through life pulled by our creative callings. I get excited looking at leaves on the ground, imagining the great potential for photographs, and twitch if I don’t have my camera handy. I run ideas for writing through my head while I walk. I spent 3 blocks running this topic around in my mind on my way home just now. I Had to write about this! I lay awake at night draming up quilts, sometimes getting up to record some idea in pencil crayon, lest I lose the essence of it before morning. And don’t get me started on trying to find something to wear!

I wonder, are these compulsions things that control my life, or are they things that help me control it? A bit of both really. And as for the creative urges, I think they colour our lives. They bring balance to our days, coloured purpose to our functioning. Perhaps even sometimes our passions can find an outlet through what we feel we are drawn to do. But are they for better or worse? Perhaps that comes down to control, does the compulsion control the person or vice versa?