She is always present. Sometimes in silent conversation in my head, sometimes something larger than life that I tap into. I feel her, I am aware of her. Around me, in what I do. She is like an internal regulator. I miss having her picture above my mirror where I could look at her, gauge how I was doing. Now I just tap into her within myself. And she is there. She pops up like a reminder. That is what Mums are for, after all!
Today I was thinking about my first week in university. The conversation she had with my sweetheart of a boyfriend I had at the time. That week that after they dropped me off. She told him I had to do this and that he had to let me. She told him not to get in my way. And then she told me she told him that. She was giving us both a fair and straightforward heads up. She did that for me a lot. Stood up for me in a way, in that way. I always thought I was just doing whatever I wanted, but she would step in for me. And she was right. That is the thing. She was always right.
Maybe because I am a child at heart, or because I am forever her daughter, I really want to know what she would do or say today. Would she tell me to smarten up, to focus? Actually, knowing her, she would just listen in a way that would guide me around to figuring it out for myself. And I don’t think she would tell me anything. Gotta love her methods! But I have a vast bounty of her wits and wisdoms to tap into. I can smile right now, and mean it. We are linked. And o yes, as per usual, I know she is right.